Give Me Attention Now

you care more about this

2011-01-06T13:30:00.005-06:00

From: Cold Bacon
Date: Thu, Jan 6, 2011 at 2:32 PM
To: Numidas Prasarn

i did not hear that.

From: Numidas Prasarn
Date: Thu, 6 Jan 2011 2:28 PM
To: Cold Bacon

Double penetration scares me.

From: Cold Bacon
Date: Thu, Jan 6, 2011 at 2:26 PM
To: Numidas Prasarn

U mean "why it's got to be only other males". Get ur words right.

From: Numidas Prasarn
Date: Thu, 6 Jan 2011 2:24 PM
To: Cold Bacon

Also why's it got to be only other males. This is sexist.

On Thu, Jan 6, 2011 at 2:24 PM, Numidas Prasarn wrote:

I kind of love the fact that they're using the word cuckold. I'm kind of confused as to what that means exactly in this instance, but cuckold is a fantastic word

On Thu, Jan 6, 2011 at 2:05 PM, Cold Bacon wrote:

http://www.fmsb.org/

i swear i got here totally on accident and i'm just as shocked as you pretend to be.

got new job

2011-01-06T13:29:00.000-06:00

academic appointment. yup. NYU. like any of you care.

and he is about to move again

2010-12-22T01:22:00.001-06:00

yup.

and it did

2009-02-06T18:02:00.004-06:00

he did. he finally did it. he now has moved. he was in one place. now another. moved.

it had to happen

2009-01-03T14:41:00.005-06:00

cold bacon decided he had to move. before the storm. the storm was coming. and he had to do it. it was beyond anyone's capacity to--wait, a song:

Why are you so near to me?
For they will come after us.
This other one
Who came very close
Caused me to boil.
It would be better if you
Got farther away.
And what is your name?
I'm going to be sleeping here on a bed.

I asked her,
"Where are you going?"
She answered me, saying,
"I go deep into the eastern forest."
That is what she told me.
By the way,
Another truth is that a stone can talk!

2009-01-02T12:13:00.000-06:00

oi vey

2008-11-24T11:31:00.001-06:00

another day. more sunshine. sigh.

cold bacon's life

2008-11-12T13:17:00.001-06:00

is more boring than yours. does this make you happy?

some guy just rang the door bell

2008-10-13T11:44:00.009-05:00

which cold bacon did not answer. it's been a long weekend. and especially a long night. it was like he was young again, except he wasn't. and so there is much headache, and confusion and probably lead too, but in places i don't know about, so maybe it doesn't really matter anyway. and there is fear, great fear over the state of things, especially the things cold bacon has to do today, or at least, this week, maybe, someday. surely by winter. anyway it's all bad. and it's not going away and it's not getting better and fuck if cold bacon is going to answer the god damn door this morning. no, really.

there are those times

2008-10-08T16:21:00.005-05:00

when cold bacon does not receive the proper amount of emails in any given few minutes. it is during those times that cold bacon sometimes takes his sweet leave from the email place, and goes to another place where he lies down on a large white pillow. after a period of about two hours, he arises, and goes to the bathroom, as fate would and does seem to every time now, have it. then, at this point, he is ready. a small angel begins playing clarinet in the key of c minor. and his return is afoot. he enters the room. more clarinets. he walks over to the email place. he plops down. in the big beige chair. and behold, as if someone had magically sent them, emails, dozens upon dozens of emails, waiting. just waiting. each and every one of them delightful. sent and received quite naturally. and not because of threats issued. or warnings. or any manner of tricks used in the establishment of fear and anxiety. and subsequent action. we are all on the white pillow now. we shall all soon forget everything. today is all of our birthday.

oh my god that's not what i meant

2008-10-08T14:33:00.003-05:00

you people are terrible. my god. he would never do that. speak of people in terms of this flavor or that flavor. go through phases where one flavor seemed better than another, and form opinions, and generate small semi-interesting anecdotes, which could then be told, to whomever or whatever was on the other end, at some later time when everything had, well, blown over, so-to-say, generationally. and such histories would now be simply called things like honest or refreshing and not lascivious or disturbed or creepy or crawly or two-fingered pete and his toe thing, and stuff like that. no. he would never do that. when cold bacon says he had too much of that brown sugar, he means he had too much of that brown sugar. and that is ALL he means.

cold bacon had way too much of that brown sugar

2008-10-08T10:20:00.005-05:00

last nite. yeah i think you know what i mean.

the new arrangement

2008-10-03T10:52:00.015-05:00

the other day cold bacon looked down at the usual place for the box that is for receiving mail. instead of the box, what he saw was a large orange pumpkin. the box for the mail was now behind the pumpkin. it is with no particular feeling either way on the matter that i report all of this to you, but as this is what happened, i thought it best to simply give you the facts and let you have your own reaction, whatever it may be. let me recap. there is a large pumpkin next to the brown, wooden door, or i should say in between the two brown wooden doors, each belonging to one set of tenants, or tenant, as is the case for cold bacon because there is only one of him and several of them. all of this is happening on the old red porch. once again, it is behind the pumpkin where one would find a small wooden box, which may or may not have anything in it; i don't really care, as it would more likely be cold bacon's mail and not mine anyway. surely i have mentioned cold bacon's neighbors are in possession of a small daughter who is at least five and probably six, not that i much care as this is the daughter of cold bacon's neighbors and not my own neighbor's daughter, about whose age i care deeply. one more time, just to be clear. large pumpkin. small wooden box. daughter. recent hurricaine. much debris.

the mail from three days ago

2008-08-16T12:24:00.003-05:00

cold bacon did not collect the mail from three days ago. it's still sitting there in the box. but since that time two days have passed and no further things have appeared in the box. cold bacon will wait until there is more in the box.

the mail

2008-07-18T10:02:00.005-05:00

cold bacon collected the mail this morning. the mail from yesterday. in the small wooden box, which had been happily placed on the ground by the door just a few months before. the box is really nothing special at all, not even stained or varnished or anything. just a little five-dollar box from an office supply store. it was only meant to be temporary, but as happens so often, there comes a point at which one can no longer deny that the first draft is indeed the last, especially with mailboxes. not far from all of this not-so-important still life, lives a little gecko lizard who makes regular appearances on the steps leading up to the porch, which serve as his off-stage waiting place. this is where he goes over his lines, meets with admirers and does all those things which a gecko does when he is in between acts.

dispassionancy

2008-07-18T09:56:00.002-05:00

if people knew what cold bacon, supposedly the bringer of happiness, had gone through, the anguish and tragedy he had to overcome to manage to capture that light which has never left him, if people knew all that, they would also realize that this happiness, this light, this dispassionate wisdom which seems to be his, are sometimes well-deserved, given the severity of his trials.

cold bacon went outside

2008-07-13T12:36:00.004-05:00

then he went right back in, after about ten seconds. it was way too fuckn' hot. give him a break. what kind of bullshit was that. my god how could it be hotter. what the fuck.

dead dead dead, finally

2008-07-10T14:14:00.007-05:00

i regret to inform you all that cold bacon is dead. well, actually regret is probably not the right word. let us just say i am informing you that cold bacon, the person who previously wrote this blog, is dead. this means he will no longer be writing any more entries. but blogs must go on, apparently. someone must continue to post entries and that task has fallen onto me. why? because i am the one who killed him. of course, he had it coming. he should have known better than to punch people in the face. at least not in texas, where concealed handguns are the norm. and since i am normal, i had to shoot him. i won't go into any detail, but actually it wasn't any kind of sudden bang-bang-done type of thing, like you've probably already assumed. unlike most of the people i shoot, who die quickly and obligingly, this was pretty drawn out and awful. it took several shots for him to even start dying. of course it was all his fault. he kept jumping around, trying to avoid his fate, like some ancient Greek idiot. so i kept hitting him in non-vital places. i just kept shooting and shooting. blood spewing out everywhere. left arm, both shoulders, couple in the stomach. anyway, as he lay dying, he said what i did was understandable if cruel, and that he felt the least i could do would be to continue his blog. he said something like "i might be dead, but the blog, the blog must live on." then something about vladimir putin. then pushkin. or maybe he was saying pushcarts. i'm not sure. then silence. anyway, i respect the part i understood, of his mumblings, the part about blogs. or wait, was he saying dogs? the dogs must go on? anyway, just in case he was saying the blog must go on, i'll give it a go, at least until i can find someone else to take over. i will do my best to maintain the spirit of the blog. in that vein, i will be writing about him, as if he were still alive and kicking. perhaps it will be as though he is even more alive than before! but it will be in the third person. the troggs? but they haven't played a concert in forever? whatever.

i'll validate your face

2008-05-27T17:17:00.001-05:00

with my fist.

i'm back

2008-05-22T08:38:00.000-05:00

but am i really?

i have a small sun burn

2008-04-30T09:49:00.003-05:00

it's ruining my existence. i don't know who to blame.

i just had the usual breakfast

2008-04-29T09:25:00.003-05:00

for breakfast.

i need a day off

2008-04-24T12:29:00.000-05:00

clearly.

i'm awake

2008-04-24T08:04:00.001-05:00

o i've been awake for a long time already.

i'm going to eat so much ice cream tonite

2008-04-23T19:50:00.001-05:00

you don't even KNOW.

i'm going outside

2008-04-23T13:44:00.000-05:00

who can stop me?

the day you go walking without your camera

2008-04-14T14:17:00.003-05:00

is the day you wish you had not.

i'm back from walking around

2008-04-13T19:07:00.001-05:00

not much has changed. i won't say nothing though. not nothing.

okay now the people are starting to come around

2008-04-13T14:20:00.007-05:00

to see it my way. let's get my body on the same page. or is that too much to ask? you tell me.

signs like this will not be appearing on my blog.

2008-04-09T19:24:00.000-05:00

of the same. i don't know. this is not easy.

today i tried again to make people do what i wanted

2008-04-08T18:09:00.001-05:00

the results were mixed. i would say something around eight out of thirteen.

today i tried to make people do things i wanted

2008-04-07T16:41:00.002-05:00

i didn't like it. i did not like that feeling. that was today.

and right now

2008-04-05T09:20:00.001-05:00

again. upside down. nothing has changed.

right now, at this moment

2008-04-02T10:53:00.002-05:00

i am totally upside down.

my eyes are watering; i'm going insane

2008-03-27T09:56:00.005-05:00

chlorox is to blame. not me, chlorox. pure. powerful. chlorox. i must go (the hell out of here).

today is small

2008-03-26T17:43:00.000-05:00

it has been a small day today.

mildew is the problem

2008-03-23T16:41:00.001-05:00

definitely. no seriously.

they are delivering it now

2008-03-20T10:26:00.004-05:00

right now! well, not "right now" exactly, but around 2-3 pm. in a big box. they are bringing it in in a big box. only they and i know what it is.

this time it was a guy

2008-03-20T00:02:00.001-05:00

and this time, it was personal. and i got three packs of weather stripping. consider me stripped.

i am headed to the hardware store

2008-03-11T15:21:00.002-05:00

i will buy one light. and one extension cord. the girl will ring me up and say that it's exactly twenty dollars. including tax. isn't that weird? it will happen.

i am so totally doing it right now

2008-03-10T16:44:00.001-05:00

and everybody knows it.

i'm back now

2008-03-10T11:39:00.000-05:00

i came back.

god dammit let me go

2008-03-03T12:09:00.007-06:00

let me go, let me leave. i've got shit to do. stop. why won't you stop? just stop.

when people stop paying attention to me

2008-03-03T00:22:00.003-06:00

1. it's just wrong.
2. it's quite wrong.
3. they die.
4. tell me more tell me more.
5. why is this not a poll?

ok i quite lied earlier

2008-03-03T00:20:00.004-06:00

of course i didn't buy a house. i signed a lease though? is that almost as good?

and still no dishwasher

2008-03-03T00:15:00.002-06:00

or kitchen island.

let us just suppose for the sake of argument

2008-02-29T13:53:00.002-06:00

that i could not open the window in question. well then also for the sake of argument, i would have to declare a certain room off limits. off limits to me at least. that is what would happen, for the sake of argument.

you'll find me there staring back at you!

2008-02-27T16:45:00.004-06:00

me: i tried to open a window.
you: you tried and failed?
me: i tried and failed.
you: must have been painted shut.
me: on the outside too.
you: you should have tried harder.
when: you still had a chance.

oh my god i can't fucking breath in here fuck what the fuck

2008-02-27T16:44:00.002-06:00

dammit.

today i am wearing a facemask

2008-02-27T09:40:00.003-06:00

what are you wearing?

okay, now it's done; the power is completely and totally not an issue

2008-02-26T12:31:00.003-06:00

he just left. and will send the bill to someone else. i always knew that someday i really would finally be grounded. completely and totally grounded. and now for something completely next, carpet cleaning. does anyone know a good service? i do.

the power is almost no longer an issue

2008-02-25T14:38:00.002-06:00

but let us suppose just for the sake of discussion, that i were going to buy a new car. what would it be?

the electrician is coming tomorrow

2008-02-19T11:00:00.002-06:00

slight problem with the power.

the power is on

2008-02-01T19:36:00.000-06:00

and it's electric.

i am going to move into it

2008-01-28T01:27:00.001-06:00

i mean. i probably should.

just bought a house

2008-01-28T00:49:00.001-06:00

huh.

ok thank god

2008-01-24T14:44:00.000-06:00

i got one!

ok that's it

2008-01-24T14:39:00.000-06:00

if i don't get a hit (or at least an email) in the next 5 minutes. i quit.

i got a really nice note from carolyn

2008-01-23T15:11:00.000-06:00

she lives in rochester. where do you live?

today i spoke with several people

2008-01-16T22:05:00.001-06:00

none of whom i had ever met before. i hope they liked me.

my mom is singing a little ditty in the other room

2008-01-15T23:26:00.000-06:00

what about that?

i'm thinking

2008-01-08T11:56:00.000-06:00

people probably need more regular updates about me. i have a feeling people are beginning to wonder what is happening during the intervals between posts. i have not received any formal request in this regard. but yet i remain confident. people are doing their best to contain, their greatest curiosities and wonderment. i will try to think of a way to meet that need. it is all i can do.

sometimes i wonder if it's possible to have too much attention

2008-01-04T19:07:00.001-06:00

it's not. continue giving me it. until further notice.

And

2008-01-04T19:06:00.001-06:00

A Happy New Year. Especially to me.

all this porn has gotten me to thinking

2007-12-24T12:33:00.001-06:00

am i fuckable? i wonder. merry christmas.

last nite was not for lovemaking; it was for cheap mexican

2007-12-24T12:25:00.000-06:00

in a big strip center. in a big country. i had a burrito thing. and a beer. the beer cost more than the food. and that's even with the extra 60 cents for "higher quality" beef. everything cost less than $8. what more do you want?

today saw the last of the candy treat that tim's wife gave me

2007-12-24T12:24:00.000-06:00

i finished it.

no, wait

2007-12-23T14:17:00.000-06:00

we did move. never mind about moving back. and this time, it's personal.

i moved back

2007-12-23T02:06:00.000-06:00

okay. alright.

we're moving

2007-12-19T12:28:00.000-06:00

and i assure you i have nothing to do with it. if it were up to me i would never move. not from this house. not from this room. not from this chair. but things happen. and people move. and in two days i'm one of those people.

finally

2007-12-18T12:22:00.000-06:00

i have a new chair.

ok what on earth is that?

2007-12-18T12:19:00.000-06:00

i just dropped off a letter in one of those blue post-office boxes and when i pushed it in, it pushed pack. visual inspection revealed the entire box was completely entirely and totally filled with mail. there were letters literally trying to climb back out of the box. mine wants to stay in. i hope.

i didn't like that last post very much

2007-12-18T12:15:00.000-06:00

i'm going to do another one.

i have to go drive somewhere now

2007-12-13T12:55:00.001-06:00

this is truly getting ridiculous. tomorrow i may work. again...

maybe i'm just tired

2007-12-08T20:02:00.000-06:00

or maybe the rest of the world has just gotten too much sleep today. i'm not sure.

i have to tell you

2007-12-06T17:47:00.000-06:00

i just ate a pita chip. a stacy's pita chip. it was delicious. i'm still thinking about it now. then i might go outside for a walk down the street. the dogs will bark. but let them. let them.

this week jane took more attention than me

2007-11-20T20:23:00.000-06:00

she must die.

actually now i'm not so sure

2007-11-20T20:22:00.001-06:00

if i still have to get that license. i'm just not exactly sure. not exactly.

i have to get a new driver's license

2007-11-07T12:28:00.001-06:00

does that make me illegal?

i can't tell if i'm hungry or i'm dying

2007-11-05T13:49:00.000-06:00

what if it's both? only one way to find out.

i just vacuumed the floor

2007-11-05T13:41:00.000-06:00

i don't normally do that. but i have been having allergy problems and i thought it might help if i removed some of the dust from my environment. i'm not sure exactly how much dust i removed. in fact, i may have actually created more dust than was there before. when i had to take apart the vacuum because i sucked something in i wasn't supposed to. and there was this big cloud of dust. and it turns out the thing i rescued was totally stupid and i would have done myself a favor if i had just let sucked things stay sucked. i'm not good with other people's appliances. and now i have to sneeze. i wonder how many claritins it takes to kill a small animal.

oprah winfrey just called me to apologize

2007-11-05T13:39:00.001-06:00

i have no idea what for, but i told her i understood. and that everything would be ok, as long as she didn't call me any more.

here, here's a post for you

2007-11-04T17:19:00.001-06:00

now fuck off.

ok i am just sitting right here

2007-10-29T17:27:00.001-05:00

i just had a diet hot chocolate from swiss miss (nestle; pr: nestlay). it was the worst hot chocolate i've had in recent memory. 25 cal/serving. and horrible. the sugar-free swiss miss at 50 cal/serving (no marshmallows), on the other hand, is too good to be true. but i don't care. tell me lies. tell me sweet little lies, nestle.

you may have noticed i'm not posting as much lately

2007-10-27T20:41:00.000-05:00

well i don't see you posting anything either.

today i almost worked some

2007-10-27T20:39:00.000-05:00

but fortunately i saw sense.

P.S. I drove somewhere.

today started out ok then it totally sucked then it got a little better

2007-10-24T16:08:00.000-05:00

so i thought i'd let you know. i hope it stays good from now on till tomorrow.

yesterday i drove somewhere

2007-10-24T09:36:00.000-05:00

it was ok. but i hope it doesn't become a habit.

give me the attention you deserve

2007-10-23T01:15:00.001-05:00

now!

my computer broke again

2007-10-17T19:31:00.001-05:00

it's not your fault.

hey guess what

2007-10-11T18:42:00.000-05:00

i just drank so much coffee i started to cry.

oh my god i

2007-10-11T02:15:00.000-05:00

a tragedy

2007-10-10T21:17:00.001-05:00

it's been minutes, since i have received any email. and this isn't the first time either. i'm beginning to have thoughts.

the good news is here

2007-10-10T19:10:00.000-05:00

there were some ants on my kitchen counter top. but i didn't care. i just went ahead and ate all the cookies anyway. the way i see it, it's their problem. not mine.

yesterday i almost provoked a smile

2007-10-08T12:12:00.001-05:00

i told you i was cool. an "almost smile" is always more interesting.

today i bought two things, two things i didn't want to buy

2007-10-04T23:18:00.000-05:00

but that was earlier. i would have posted but i forgot. actually i didn't forget. i just didn't post. all day i felt like i was in another country. which is maybe why i didn't post. but now i am home and i feel i'm at home. i have made a drink of old vodka, old white wine, and orange juice. it's very bad.

my girlfriend is in the shower

2007-10-03T20:32:00.000-05:00

so i was able to steal away and make this post. stay tuned. she may do it again. i won't. until i have no choice.

i got a uniform today

2007-10-01T17:52:00.000-05:00

with my name on it. when buying a new uniform, the important thing is to buy the right one. my old one was no good. people who buy uniforms should not be asking questions.

yesterday i almost provoked a snake

2007-09-30T15:16:00.001-05:00

i told you i was cool. it had neurotoxins!

i wonder if there will be anything good on tv tonight?

2007-09-29T19:28:00.000-05:00

i hope not.