Saturday, August 11, 2012
nothing to report
Posted by Cold Bacon at 4:26 PM 0 comments
Thursday, January 6, 2011
got new job
academic appointment. yup. like we care.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 1:29 PM 1 comments
Labels: like any of you care
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
and he is about to move again
yup.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 1:22 AM 0 comments
Labels: try and stop him
Friday, February 6, 2009
and it did
he did. he finally did it. he now has moved. he was in one place. now another. moved.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 6:02 PM 1 comments
Labels: bothered?, face, look, look at my face, mon visage, my face, thierry henry
Saturday, January 3, 2009
it had to happen
cold bacon decided he had to move. before the storm. the storm was coming. and he had to do it. it was beyond anyone's capacity to--wait, a song:
Why are you so near to me?
For they will come after us.
This other one
Who came very close
Caused me to boil.
It would be better if you
Got farther away.
And what is your name?
I'm going to be sleeping here on a bed.
I asked her,
"Where are you going?"
She answered me, saying,
"I go deep into the eastern forest."
That is what she told me.
By the way,
Another truth is that a stone can talk!
Posted by Cold Bacon at 2:41 PM 0 comments
Labels: duck dodgers, moving
Friday, January 2, 2009
Monday, November 24, 2008
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
cold bacon's life
is more boring than yours. does this make you happy?
Posted by Cold Bacon at 1:17 PM 2 comments
Labels: what makes you happy?
Monday, October 13, 2008
some guy just rang the door bell
which cold bacon did not answer. it's been a long weekend. and especially a long night. it was like he was young again, except he wasn't. and so there is much headache, and confusion and probably lead too, but in places i don't know about, so maybe it doesn't really matter anyway. and there is fear, great fear over the state of things, especially the things cold bacon has to do today, or at least, this week, maybe, someday. surely by winter. anyway it's all bad. and it's not going away and it's not getting better and fuck if cold bacon is going to answer the god damn door this morning. no, really.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 11:44 AM 2 comments
Labels: i don't want that shit in my house, my landlord, paid for by, pest control
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
there are those times
when cold bacon does not receive the proper amount of emails in any given few minutes. it is during those times that cold bacon sometimes takes his sweet leave from the email place, and goes to another place where he lies down on a large white pillow. after a period of about two hours, he arises, and goes to the bathroom, as fate would and does seem to every time now, have it. then, at this point, he is ready. a small angel begins playing clarinet in the key of c minor. and his return is afoot. he enters the room. more clarinets. he walks over to the email place. he plops down. in the big beige chair. and behold, as if someone had magically sent them, emails, dozens upon dozens of emails, waiting. just waiting. each and every one of them delightful. sent and received quite naturally. and not because of threats issued. or warnings. or any manner of tricks used in the establishment of fear and anxiety. and subsequent action. we are all on the white pillow now. we shall all soon forget everything. today is all of our birthday.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 4:21 PM 0 comments
oh my god that's not what i meant
you people are terrible. my god. he would never do that. speak of people in terms of this flavor or that flavor. go through phases where one flavor seemed better than another, and form opinions, and generate small semi-interesting anecdotes, which could then be told, to whomever or whatever was on the other end, at some later time when everything had, well, blown over, so-to-say, generationally. and such histories would now be simply called things like honest or refreshing and not lascivious or disturbed or creepy or crawly or two-fingered pete and his toe thing, and stuff like that. no. he would never do that. when cold bacon says he had too much of that brown sugar, he means he had too much of that brown sugar. and that is ALL he means.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 2:33 PM 0 comments
Labels: but for the grace of godiva
cold bacon had way too much of that brown sugar
last nite. yeah i think you know what i mean.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 10:20 AM 4 comments
Labels: alright
Friday, October 3, 2008
the new arrangement
the other day cold bacon looked down at the usual place for the box that is for receiving mail. instead of the box, what he saw was a large orange pumpkin. the box for the mail was now behind the pumpkin. it is with no particular feeling either way on the matter that i report all of this to you, but as this is what happened, i thought it best to simply give you the facts and let you have your own reaction, whatever it may be. let me recap. there is a large pumpkin next to the brown, wooden door, or i should say in between the two brown wooden doors, each belonging to one set of tenants, or tenant, as is the case for cold bacon because there is only one of him and several of them. all of this is happening on the old red porch. once again, it is behind the pumpkin where one would find a small wooden box, which may or may not have anything in it; i don't really care, as it would more likely be cold bacon's mail and not mine anyway. surely i have mentioned cold bacon's neighbors are in possession of a small daughter who is at least five and probably six, not that i much care as this is the daughter of cold bacon's neighbors and not my own neighbor's daughter, about whose age i care deeply. one more time, just to be clear. large pumpkin. small wooden box. daughter. recent hurricaine. much debris.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 10:52 AM 0 comments
Saturday, August 16, 2008
the mail from three days ago
cold bacon did not collect the mail from three days ago. it's still sitting there in the box. but since that time two days have passed and no further things have appeared in the box. cold bacon will wait until there is more in the box.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 12:24 PM 0 comments
Labels: waiting as long as it takes
Friday, July 18, 2008
the mail
cold bacon collected the mail this morning. the mail from yesterday. in the small wooden box, which had been happily placed on the ground by the door just a few months before. the box is really nothing special at all, not even stained or varnished or anything. just a little five-dollar box from an office supply store. it was only meant to be temporary, but as happens so often, there comes a point at which one can no longer deny that the first draft is indeed the last, especially with mailboxes. not far from all of this not-so-important still life, lives a little gecko lizard who makes regular appearances on the steps leading up to the porch, which serve as his off-stage waiting place. this is where he goes over his lines, meets with admirers and does all those things which a gecko does when he is in between acts.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 10:02 AM 0 comments
Labels: typical day after the day before
dispassionancy
if people knew what cold bacon, supposedly the bringer of happiness, had gone through, the anguish and tragedy he had to overcome to manage to capture that light which has never left him, if people knew all that, they would also realize that this happiness, this light, this dispassionate wisdom which seems to be his, are sometimes well-deserved, given the severity of his trials.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 9:56 AM 1 comments
Labels: more news at 11
Sunday, July 13, 2008
cold bacon went outside
then he went right back in, after about ten seconds. it was way too fuckn' hot. give him a break. what kind of bullshit was that. my god how could it be hotter. what the fuck.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 12:36 PM 2 comments
Thursday, July 10, 2008
dead dead dead, finally
i regret to inform you all that cold bacon is dead. well, actually regret is probably not the right word. let us just say i am informing you that cold bacon, the person who previously wrote this blog, is dead. this means he will no longer be writing any more entries. but blogs must go on, apparently. someone must continue to post entries and that task has fallen onto me. why? because i am the one who killed him. of course, he had it coming. he should have known better than to punch people in the face. at least not in texas, where concealed handguns are the norm. and since i am normal, i had to shoot him. i won't go into any detail, but actually it wasn't any kind of sudden bang-bang-done type of thing, like you've probably already assumed. unlike most of the people i shoot, who die quickly and obligingly, this was pretty drawn out and awful. it took several shots for him to even start dying. of course it was all his fault. he kept jumping around, trying to avoid his fate, like some ancient Greek idiot. so i kept hitting him in non-vital places. i just kept shooting and shooting. blood spewing out everywhere. left arm, both shoulders, couple in the stomach. anyway, as he lay dying, he said what i did was understandable if cruel, and that he felt the least i could do would be to continue his blog. he said something like "i might be dead, but the blog, the blog must live on." then something about vladimir putin. then pushkin. or maybe he was saying pushcarts. i'm not sure. then silence. anyway, i respect the part i understood, of his mumblings, the part about blogs. or wait, was he saying dogs? the dogs must go on? anyway, just in case he was saying the blog must go on, i'll give it a go, at least until i can find someone else to take over. i will do my best to maintain the spirit of the blog. in that vein, i will be writing about him, as if he were still alive and kicking. perhaps it will be as though he is even more alive than before! but it will be in the third person. the troggs? but they haven't played a concert in forever? whatever.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 2:14 PM 0 comments
Labels: old laws take effect
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
i'm back
but am i really?
Posted by Cold Bacon at 8:38 AM 1 comments
Labels: the real truth (what is it?)
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
i have a small sun burn
it's ruining my existence. i don't know who to blame.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 9:49 AM 0 comments
Labels: it ain't me you're looking 4
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
i just had the usual breakfast
for breakfast.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 9:25 AM 1 comments
Labels: the usual
Thursday, April 24, 2008
i'm awake
o i've been awake for a long time already.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 8:04 AM 0 comments
Labels: one hour
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
i'm going to eat so much ice cream tonite
you don't even KNOW.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 7:50 PM 0 comments
Monday, April 14, 2008
the day you go walking without your camera
is the day you wish you had not.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 2:17 PM 0 comments
Labels: imagine it
Sunday, April 13, 2008
i'm back from walking around
not much has changed. i won't say nothing though. not nothing.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 7:07 PM 0 comments
Labels: nothing has changed
okay now the people are starting to come around
to see it my way. let's get my body on the same page. or is that too much to ask? you tell me.
signs like this will not be appearing on my blog.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 2:20 PM 0 comments
Labels: upside down now and forever
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
more
of the same. i don't know. this is not easy.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 7:24 PM 0 comments
Labels: what is not easy
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
today i tried again to make people do what i wanted
the results were mixed. i would say something around eight out of thirteen.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 6:09 PM 0 comments
Labels: results
Monday, April 7, 2008
today i tried to make people do things i wanted
i didn't like it. i did not like that feeling. that was today.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 4:41 PM 3 comments
Labels: what was today
Saturday, April 5, 2008
and right now
again. upside down. nothing has changed.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 9:20 AM 0 comments
Labels: little has changed
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
my eyes are watering; i'm going insane
chlorox is to blame. not me, chlorox. pure. powerful. chlorox. i must go (the hell out of here).
Posted by Cold Bacon at 9:56 AM 0 comments
Labels: unreal city
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
today is small
it has been a small day today.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 5:43 PM 0 comments
Labels: very small
Sunday, March 23, 2008
mildew is the problem
definitely. no seriously.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 4:41 PM 0 comments
Labels: bleach me now
Thursday, March 20, 2008
they are delivering it now
right now! well, not "right now" exactly, but around 2-3 pm. in a big box. they are bringing it in in a big box. only they and i know what it is.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 10:26 AM 0 comments
this time it was a guy
and this time, it was personal. and i got three packs of weather stripping. consider me stripped.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 12:02 AM 0 comments
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
i am headed to the hardware store
i will buy one light. and one extension cord. the girl will ring me up and say that it's exactly twenty dollars. including tax. isn't that weird? it will happen.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 3:21 PM 3 comments
Labels: some things cannot be explained
Monday, March 10, 2008
i am so totally doing it right now
and everybody knows it.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 4:44 PM 0 comments
Monday, March 3, 2008
when people stop paying attention to me
1. it's just wrong.
2. it's quite wrong.
3. they die.
4. tell me more tell me more.
5. why is this not a poll?
Posted by Cold Bacon at 12:22 AM 2 comments
ok i quite lied earlier
of course i didn't buy a house. i signed a lease though? is that almost as good?
Posted by Cold Bacon at 12:20 AM 0 comments
and still no dishwasher
or kitchen island.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 12:15 AM 0 comments
Labels: scooters, vacation, winter n fall
Friday, February 29, 2008
let us just suppose for the sake of argument
that i could not open the window in question. well then also for the sake of argument, i would have to declare a certain room off limits. off limits to me at least. that is what would happen, for the sake of argument.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 1:53 PM 0 comments
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
you'll find me there staring back at you!
me: i tried to open a window.
you: you tried and failed?
me: i tried and failed.
you: must have been painted shut.
me: on the outside too.
you: you should have tried harder.
when: you still had a chance.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 4:45 PM 0 comments
Labels: dammit
oh my god i can't fucking breath in here fuck what the fuck
dammit.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 4:44 PM 0 comments
today i am wearing a facemask
what are you wearing?
Posted by Cold Bacon at 9:40 AM 0 comments
Labels: what i am wearing
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
okay, now it's done; the power is completely and totally not an issue
he just left. and will send the bill to someone else. i always knew that someday i really would finally be grounded. completely and totally grounded. and now for something completely next, carpet cleaning. does anyone know a good service? i do.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 12:31 PM 0 comments
Labels: and god knows i've got to live mine, everybody's got to live their life
Monday, February 25, 2008
the power is almost no longer an issue
but let us suppose just for the sake of discussion, that i were going to buy a new car. what would it be?
Posted by Cold Bacon at 2:38 PM 0 comments
Labels: just for the sake of discussion
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
the electrician is coming tomorrow
slight problem with the power.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 11:00 AM 0 comments
Friday, February 1, 2008
the power is on
and it's electric.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 7:36 PM 1 comments
Labels: burnt quails, clean burning coal, electric, energy, energy independence, fair tax, fuel, gasoline, green technology, hybrid, oven fresh, petroleum, post-consumerism, power, wood burning stove
Monday, January 28, 2008
Thursday, January 24, 2008
ok that's it
if i don't get a hit (or at least an email) in the next 5 minutes. i quit.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 2:39 PM 0 comments
Labels: things what will happen if i don't get a hit or email in 5-10 minutes
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
i got a really nice note from carolyn
she lives in rochester. where do you live?
Posted by Cold Bacon at 3:11 PM 1 comments
Labels: things i got from carolyn the other day (that were nice)
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
today i spoke with several people
none of whom i had ever met before. i hope they liked me.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 10:05 PM 2 comments
Labels: things that happened today
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
my mom is singing a little ditty in the other room
what about that?
Posted by Cold Bacon at 11:26 PM 0 comments
Labels: moms who can sing
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
i'm thinking
people probably need more regular updates about me. i have a feeling people are beginning to wonder what is happening during the intervals between posts. i have not received any formal request in this regard. but yet i remain confident. people are doing their best to contain, their greatest curiosities and wonderment. i will try to think of a way to meet that need. it is all i can do.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 11:56 AM 3 comments
Labels: all i can do
Friday, January 4, 2008
sometimes i wonder if it's possible to have too much attention
it's not. continue giving me it. until further notice.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 7:07 PM 2 comments
Labels: love
And
A Happy New Year. Especially to me.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 7:06 PM 0 comments
Labels: my new year
Monday, December 24, 2007
all this porn has gotten me to thinking
am i fuckable? i wonder. merry christmas.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 12:33 PM 0 comments
Labels: christmas, porn, things i wonder about
last nite was not for lovemaking; it was for cheap mexican
in a big strip center. in a big country. i had a burrito thing. and a beer. the beer cost more than the food. and that's even with the extra 60 cents for "higher quality" beef. everything cost less than $8. what more do you want?
Posted by Cold Bacon at 12:25 PM 0 comments
Labels: everything for under $8
today saw the last of the candy treat that tim's wife gave me
i finished it.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 12:24 PM 0 comments
Labels: the last of the candy treat
Sunday, December 23, 2007
no, wait
we did move. never mind about moving back. and this time, it's personal.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 2:17 PM 0 comments
Labels: not minding about moving back
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
we're moving
and i assure you i have nothing to do with it. if it were up to me i would never move. not from this house. not from this room. not from this chair. but things happen. and people move. and in two days i'm one of those people.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 12:28 PM 2 comments
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
finally
i have a new chair.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 12:22 PM 0 comments
Labels: comfy chairs, maids who seem like they are about to die
ok what on earth is that?
i just dropped off a letter in one of those blue post-office boxes and when i pushed it in, it pushed pack. visual inspection revealed the entire box was completely entirely and totally filled with mail. there were letters literally trying to climb back out of the box. mine wants to stay in. i hope.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 12:19 PM 0 comments
Labels: chaos theory
i didn't like that last post very much
i'm going to do another one.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 12:15 PM 0 comments
Thursday, December 13, 2007
i have to go drive somewhere now
this is truly getting ridiculous. tomorrow i may work. again...
Posted by Cold Bacon at 12:55 PM 0 comments
Labels: ruinous, totally absurd, unfair, unreasonable
Saturday, December 8, 2007
maybe i'm just tired
or maybe the rest of the world has just gotten too much sleep today. i'm not sure.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 8:02 PM 0 comments
Labels: things that could be either way
Thursday, December 6, 2007
i have to tell you
i just ate a pita chip. a stacy's pita chip. it was delicious. i'm still thinking about it now. then i might go outside for a walk down the street. the dogs will bark. but let them. let them.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 5:47 PM 1 comments
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
this week jane took more attention than me
she must die.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 8:23 PM 0 comments
Labels: people who must die
actually now i'm not so sure
if i still have to get that license. i'm just not exactly sure. not exactly.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 8:22 PM 0 comments
Labels: not totally sure at this time
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
i have to get a new driver's license
does that make me illegal?
Posted by Cold Bacon at 12:28 PM 3 comments
Monday, November 5, 2007
i can't tell if i'm hungry or i'm dying
what if it's both? only one way to find out.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 1:49 PM 1 comments
i just vacuumed the floor
i don't normally do that. but i have been having allergy problems and i thought it might help if i removed some of the dust from my environment. i'm not sure exactly how much dust i removed. in fact, i may have actually created more dust than was there before. when i had to take apart the vacuum because i sucked something in i wasn't supposed to. and there was this big cloud of dust. and it turns out the thing i rescued was totally stupid and i would have done myself a favor if i had just let sucked things stay sucked. i'm not good with other people's appliances. and now i have to sneeze. i wonder how many claritins it takes to kill a small animal.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 1:41 PM 0 comments
oprah winfrey just called me to apologize
i have no idea what for, but i told her i understood. and that everything would be ok, as long as she didn't call me any more.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 1:39 PM 0 comments
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
ok i am just sitting right here
i just had a diet hot chocolate from swiss miss (nestle; pr: nestlay). it was the worst hot chocolate i've had in recent memory. 25 cal/serving. and horrible. the sugar-free swiss miss at 50 cal/serving (no marshmallows), on the other hand, is too good to be true. but i don't care. tell me lies. tell me sweet little lies, nestle.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 5:27 PM 0 comments
Labels: damn lies, lies, sweet lies
Saturday, October 27, 2007
you may have noticed i'm not posting as much lately
well i don't see you posting anything either.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 8:41 PM 2 comments
today i almost worked some
but fortunately i saw sense.
P.S. I drove somewhere.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 8:39 PM 0 comments
Labels: driving somewhere
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
today started out ok then it totally sucked then it got a little better
so i thought i'd let you know. i hope it stays good from now on till tomorrow.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 4:08 PM 0 comments
yesterday i drove somewhere
it was ok. but i hope it doesn't become a habit.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 9:36 AM 0 comments
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
a tragedy
it's been minutes, since i have received any email. and this isn't the first time either. i'm beginning to have thoughts.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 9:17 PM 0 comments
Labels: disaster, horror, tragedies, unfair, what a bunch of bullshit
the good news is here
there were some ants on my kitchen counter top. but i didn't care. i just went ahead and ate all the cookies anyway. the way i see it, it's their problem. not mine.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 7:10 PM 0 comments
Monday, October 8, 2007
yesterday i almost provoked a smile
i told you i was cool. an "almost smile" is always more interesting.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 12:12 PM 2 comments
Thursday, October 4, 2007
today i bought two things, two things i didn't want to buy
but that was earlier. i would have posted but i forgot. actually i didn't forget. i just didn't post. all day i felt like i was in another country. which is maybe why i didn't post. but now i am home and i feel i'm at home. i have made a drink of old vodka, old white wine, and orange juice. it's very bad.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 11:18 PM 5 comments
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
my girlfriend is in the shower
so i was able to steal away and make this post. stay tuned. she may do it again. i won't. until i have no choice.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 8:32 PM 0 comments
Monday, October 1, 2007
i got a uniform today
with my name on it. when buying a new uniform, the important thing is to buy the right one. my old one was no good. people who buy uniforms should not be asking questions.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 5:52 PM 2 comments
Sunday, September 30, 2007
yesterday i almost provoked a snake
i told you i was cool. it had neurotoxins!
Posted by Cold Bacon at 3:16 PM 2 comments
Saturday, September 29, 2007
i wonder if there will be anything good on tv tonight?
i hope not.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 7:28 PM 0 comments
today it rained on me
tomorrow i hope it will rain on you.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 5:29 PM 0 comments
Friday, September 28, 2007
wow i had an idea today
it happened some time earlier today. i think it was while i was driving home in the car. or maybe it was when i left home. but it could also have been when i was not at home but outside of the car too. i'm not sure exactly really. i can't remember it either. this idea i definitely had. but you can still ask me what it was if you want. it's only fair.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 9:54 PM 0 comments
Thursday, September 27, 2007
my drinking is totally interfering with this blog
they're duking it out. seems like.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 1:10 AM 0 comments
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
just got back from the dentist's
routine checkup. nothing special. i was on my best behavior. i was polite. and only 15 minutes late.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 12:52 PM 0 comments
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Monday, September 24, 2007
this blog is totally interfering with my drinking
i've got to go down there and do it. and yet i'm still sitting up here. not doing it. this sucks.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 11:27 PM 2 comments
Labels: gin still waiting at the altar
Sunday, September 23, 2007
it happened again tonite
pint of porter. double gin. i couldn't decide. so i din't. (this post brought to you by barclay's)
i have to remember to remember
that my life is much more interesting to you than it is to me. i'm used to it. so to me, it's really not such a huge deal. but the rest of you must all be entirely fascinated by my ongoings. if it was up to me i would just go about my day and not think anything of it. but the rest of you need me. and i don't want to let you down. i just bought a new mouse!
Posted by Cold Bacon at 11:41 AM 0 comments
Saturday, September 22, 2007
i just mailed it
i just did it. i walked it to the nearest blue box and dropped it in. ok, so while i was there this kid was peeling around in the parking lot of the supermarket in his red jeep 4 x 4, scaring everyone and generally giving young boys a bad name.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 7:00 PM 0 comments
i went to the post office
but it was closed. god dammit. but it's more complicated than just that. i got there at 2:10. and they closed at 2:00. i should have been extra annoyed because of that. but i wasn't. i was the same annoyed. but there's more. i had forgotten that now with modern progress and everything they now have a computer thing that lets you weigh your mail and calculate how many stamps you have to put. and you can even get to this computer thing when the main post office is closed. isn't that considerate of them? it's it's attached to the wall and probably has no street value. i'm surprised someone hasn't tried to steal it. so i used the machine and went home and put the right amount of stamps on my mail. i still haven't mailed it. tell you if i do.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 5:04 PM 0 comments
some people have a chip on the shoulder
i have a chip on my chest. right now. there is a chip, on my chest.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 11:28 AM 0 comments
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Monday, September 17, 2007
why don’t you mash someone your own size
my outlook express just told me it wanted to compress all my emails. what the hell does that mean? i said no.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 11:56 AM 0 comments
people are dying all around
i'm not. i'm fine, actually. thanks for wondering. so unless something entirely unexpected happens, i'll be back later tonight and post something.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 9:54 AM 2 comments
oh my god i am so tired
there is just no fuckin' way i can post right now. now way.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 12:41 AM 0 comments
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Saturday, September 15, 2007
got a package today
i sure would like to know what's in it. wouldn't we all. wouldn't we all.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 2:00 PM 0 comments
thinking of getting some crest white strips.
but I just can’t decide.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 1:15 PM 2 comments
my dad brews weak coffee.
he used to make it too strong, but we all ganged up on him. now he makes it too weak.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 11:13 AM 0 comments
Friday, September 14, 2007
new fears about plastic containers
my friend says it's bad if you microwave you leftover wolfgang puck soups in those little so-called disposable plastic containers. i don't care.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 2:50 PM 0 comments
it just occurred to me
i may be leaving the house again today. nothing is certain. is anything ever? but a friend of mine whom i presume has exhausted her other option, has informed me we are going to dinner. i have three choices. japanese, korean, and korean. which shall it be?
Posted by Cold Bacon at 12:57 PM 0 comments
there are certain people who are trying
to stifle me. i won't name names. but they know who they are. they know. or maybe they don't know. they should call me. i'll tell them. who they are. and what to not do.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 11:42 AM 0 comments
today went pretty much as i expected
i could have pretty much predicted everything that ended up happening today. with one glaring exception. there was one thing that happened today that stood out. no, you know what. what i was going to say. actually, i could have predicted that might happen too. so never mind.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 1:17 AM 0 comments
Thursday, September 13, 2007
oh my god i totally can't remember if i ate lunch already?
maybe it's because i'm so hungry that i'm light headed. but maybe it's something else. some other reason. i've had seven strawberries today i know that much.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 1:17 PM 0 comments
update on the friend who is eating only marshmallows
she says she is still alive. so i guess she is. so far she's been pretty accurate about that. she also has eaten a turnip. she says. more updates as they come in.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 12:03 PM 0 comments
my alarm clock is totally going off
this sucks. some would say it's only five feet away, why don't you get up and turn it off? some would say that.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 10:41 AM 0 comments
well it hasn't yet
they said it was going to rain. two friends said it was going to rain. and so did the news. but it hasn't. nobody knows shit. that much is apparent.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 2:11 AM 1 comments
I'm not tired
i guess it was a passing thing. sometimes this happens.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 2:11 AM 0 comments
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
I'm tired
i have no idea why either. no idea. can't think of anything. i had some lentils?
Posted by Cold Bacon at 10:22 PM 0 comments
my parents just asked me what the pill i keep on the desk beside the computer is
i told them it was cyanide. and they better not come any closer.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 7:18 PM 0 comments
i have a friend
she's from the internet. she just told me she ate strawberry marshmallows for lunch. awesome!
Posted by Cold Bacon at 3:21 PM 0 comments
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
i forgot to mention about lunch
oh my god. i tried this new ethnic gourmet (real up and comer brand) frozen entree for lunch today. it was bad. it was very bad. if you're ever at a Kroger's and see a frozen entree called "butternut squash ravioli" that has a side of "mini broccoli florets," just keep walking.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 9:42 PM 0 comments
ok i didn't die
from the trees falling all around outside my window. however i did have another almost-catastrophe. earlier today i nibbled off a tiny bit of fingernail and flick'd it and it went right into my eye! can you believe it? right in my eye! fortunately i had the sense to not blink and popped over to the sink for a little splashy splash. anyway we're good now.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 4:25 PM 0 comments
what are you doing to celebrate 9/11?
i'm having an open-faced tuna melt. ok, that's not true. i'm just having some leftover beluga caviar and champagne. then i will round out my celebration with a walk to the post office to return a netflix video. i always take my mail to the post-office because i don't trust the mail carriers anymore after 9/11.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 1:04 PM 0 comments
i swear to god
a giant mass of god's finest (tree) is going to come crashing through my window and/or roof at any moment. i can't leave though, and go somewhere safer, or even perhaps, not right next to the window, because when it does happen, i have to be here to report.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 12:03 PM 0 comments
ok don't even ask me what is going on outside my window
this is ridiculous. the people next door to me have a real orange tree. an orange tree? right in the middle of the city. ok, that's pretty cool. but that isn't the problem. it's the pine trees right next to the orange tree. apparently they had to receive a trim, and this had to begin at approximately 8 am on a Tuesday, which is approximately not when i am supposed to be awake and posting a blog entry. this is why i waited until now to post. i had to calm down. they are still going too for crying out loud. i'll let you know.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 11:06 AM 0 comments
Monday, September 10, 2007
dinner was ok
which is more than i can say for the TV selection. god. so bad. why do i even watch it? oh by the way, i had a gin and tonic. double. half a lime was involved. it's 11 o'clock but it feels like 11:30.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 10:46 PM 0 comments
I had a delicious wine last night
it really was. oh, wait. that was the night before last night. shit. last night it was back to gin. then i passed out really early. that's right. the gin didn't even have time to settle. damn. i probably should have mentioned all this in a post yesterday. that would help keep it all straight. i should probably say what i'm going to do tonight right now so in case i forget to post it later tonight, i can refer back to this post, right? i think so.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 5:47 PM 2 comments
something strange happened after lunch
had some coffee. and then instead of just one hershey's kiss to go with it, i had two! two kisses! i thought it might shake things up a bit. actually everything kinda feels the same. oh well. anyway, tomorrow i might go across the street. i'll let you know.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 2:46 PM 0 comments
lunch was great
i'd like to thank all of you for voting today on my breakfast and lunch. i did have that egg for breakfast. then coffee. for lunch i had pasta and the sauce from the other night. i wanted to see what happened with brittney last night at the VMA's but instead i had to watch some general drone on about the war. my god, enough. this war is really starting to annoy me. all i have to say is it better be over before the grammy's.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 2:18 PM 0 comments
Sunday, September 9, 2007
they still didn’t pick up
maybe my friend got really mad at something and smashed his phone on some rocks.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 4:34 PM 2 comments
i called and left a message
on my friend's cell phone. ok, i didn't leave a message. i just called, and then hung up on the voice mail. but i think this totally counts as a returned call.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 4:27 PM 1 comments
i may leave the house today
and go to a friend’s house. my friend’s baby is small and cute and squeals. I just call her baby because i have no idea what her name is. so far i’ve gotten away with it. so anyway the thing she does which I like best is she flops down on her back on the carpet with their small dog and they wriggle around in synchronized ecstasy. it makes me happy to think of it.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 12:29 PM 0 comments
Saturday, September 8, 2007
everything will be ok
i’m spelling it "ok" and not "okay" like i used to do. that’s because someone told me that’s how it should be spelled. the reason i'm making such a fuss about this is because it represents a new stage in my life where i do whatever anyone else tells me.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 7:06 PM 0 comments
holy shit i forgot about the sauce
it’s your fault. i’ve been up here all day posting messages and now the sauce is probably burned. dammit. anyway, you see, this is what happens when you do things. i better wrap up this post and head down there. if you listen carefully, you might even hear a scream, depending on exactly where you live. wait. quiet. listen. hear anything? that's because i haven't gone down there yet. i'm still here, you dummy. how else could i be typing this? ok, now listen.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 6:55 PM 1 comments
I just realized I’m addicted to everything
Once I start doing something, anything, I don’t want to stop.
this is actually not the honey that was used in the lamb cooking process. this is honey from a different era.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 1:25 PM 0 comments
Friday, September 7, 2007
the lamb turned out fine
but i would now like to mention that my car air conditioning smells really bad. it's mold. i know it's mold. this summer is taking forever. mold.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 9:14 PM 0 comments
Thursday, September 6, 2007
I have a wrinkled pepper
In my fridge, there is one of those beautiful peppers, you know the kind that are orange or yellow and cost way more than the green ones? It’s because they have to be individually sneaked in from Europe. Homeland security does not want bright colored peppers in our country. And this makes them cost more. Oh right, so mine got wrinkled. It’s because I always buy them. Cause they’re so shiny and cool. But I have no idea what to do with it, so I just look at it. But now it’s all wrinkled. I have to go to the store now, and get a new one.
click here if you would like to know what really happened to that pepper.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 2:11 PM 9 comments
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
I started watching a movie
but then i fell asleep. it was on the couch. i don't know what to tell you. it just happened. then it started raining like fuck. that damn gutter rattling, like a million little kids throwing a million little pebbles. that got me up. piece a pizza. more coffee. it's alright.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 3:32 PM 2 comments
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
listen, i am totally fine
society is the problem. it would be a perfect day if society wasn't causing me all this trouble.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 6:59 PM 0 comments
today has been ok so far
some good emails flying around. some to me, some from me. i only care about the ones to me.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 5:49 PM 0 comments
last nite i was so good
i didn't drink anything at all, until nine o'clock.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 3:48 PM 0 comments
so far today i have done very little
but that could change at any moment.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 12:21 PM 0 comments
Monday, September 3, 2007
perhaps they are related.
my parents asked me what happened to their bottle of gin. i asked myself what i am doing living with my parents.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 3:07 AM 0 comments
i've been listening to NPR
for at least ten minutes on this internet stream and so far i don't think there has been any effect. i'm going downstairs. and then i might go outside and look around.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 2:09 AM 0 comments
i'm tired of revising
from now on i'm going to think for ten seconds before i type anything.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 2:04 AM 2 comments
Sunday, September 2, 2007
last nite i did it again
i drank way too much. it's not my fault though. my tolerance is so high, for some reason, that i have to drink about a bottle of something before i forget even my first layer of problems. it was really bad. the wine i mean, was terrible. and i felt sick in my stomach and head. but it's ok though because i just took a pill and fell asleep.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 7:14 PM 2 comments
Saturday, September 1, 2007
i actually did do something today
i had a nice conversation with someone using the telephone.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 5:57 PM 0 comments
Friday, August 31, 2007
what is it, friday?
today is the day that diana died. well not exactly today, but on this day ten years ago, she died. that's at least according to larry king, foxnews, and MSNBC was showing "to catch a predator." anyway, diana led a very important life and it seems only proper we should all watch a one hour special celebrating it.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 8:43 PM 2 comments
Thursday, August 30, 2007
i woke up today
it was alright. read some paper. coffee. little cereal. one raspberry. good to go.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 12:16 PM 1 comments
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
just had dinner and it was better
after last night's fiasco i realized tonight it might be better to have a smaller dinner. salmon, cheese, bread and no alcohol. i'm not going to lie to you. it was tough. but i managed to do it. and i already feel better. i'll let you know how the rest of the evening goes. check back.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 8:17 PM 0 comments
thank you all for reading this blog post.
let me be very clear in stating that the things you have been hearing about me are not exactly true. now that i've had a chance to meet with my lawyer i realize that some of the things which i may have admitted to before were the result of honest misunderstanding. i want you all to know how much i appreciate your interest and concern. i have always done my best to keep you informed and i will continue to value the open and sincere relationship we share. i will provide a written transcript of my statement here. and i'm not gay.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 2:05 AM 1 comments
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
o my god i just ate a ton
and now i have heartburn. big time. dammit. this always happens. why do i do it? because it tasted so good. that's why. ok it didn't taste that good. dammit. whatever. i'll be dead eventually.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 11:17 PM 0 comments
i am so hungry
i had some triscuits and a little parmi. (normally i prefer cheddar for triscuits but we didn't have any.) so i had those and then came back to the computer. now i'm starting to start to see stars. maybe i should eat more. i wonder what bill o'reilly ate today? every day is easter when you're bill o'reilly.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 8:02 PM 0 comments
o shit i meant to tell you
i did get that check mailed i said i was going to mail. drive through post box. it wasn't the kind that looks like a droid though. it was the regular kind.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 4:52 PM 1 comments
i have done very little today
i had some breakfast (bit of toast). coffee. went on the internet. watched some TV. had a breakfast bar. had another energy bar. coffee. more internet. and now this post. this is a fairly busy day for me.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 4:50 PM 0 comments
Monday, August 27, 2007
o my god i totally forgot
what i was going to post here. i had something in my mind. and by god i started checking email. then had to change my mp3 selection. and before long, wouldn't you know it? yes. i forgot what i was going to say here. still, i should probably post.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 10:27 PM 0 comments
ok i'm back upstairs
after dinner. and some awful TV, now i'm back. upstairs.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 9:42 PM 2 comments
i swear to god
it looks like it's going to rain again. i am so sick of this. wait. i'm going to the window.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 6:23 PM 0 comments
i’m still sitting here
i'm right now sitting here at the computer. it's pretty much the same thing i was doing five minutes ago for my last post. but this time the song has changed. the song i'm listening to i mean. it's an mp3.
Posted by Cold Bacon at 3:44 PM 2 comments