Saturday, August 11, 2012

nothing to report

there is really nothing significant new to report. i live in brooklyn.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

got new job

academic appointment. yup. NYU. like any of you care.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Friday, February 6, 2009

and it did

he did. he finally did it. he now has moved. he was in one place. now another. moved.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

it had to happen

cold bacon decided he had to move. before the storm. the storm was coming. and he had to do it. it was beyond anyone's capacity to--wait, a song:

Why are you so near to me?
For they will come after us.
This other one
Who came very close
Caused me to boil.
It would be better if you
Got farther away.
And what is your name?
I'm going to be sleeping here on a bed.

I asked her,
"Where are you going?"
She answered me, saying,
"I go deep into the eastern forest."
That is what she told me.
By the way,
Another truth is that a stone can talk!

Friday, January 2, 2009

Monday, November 24, 2008

oi vey

another day. more sunshine. sigh.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

cold bacon's life

is more boring than yours. does this make you happy?

Monday, October 13, 2008

some guy just rang the door bell

which cold bacon did not answer. it's been a long weekend. and especially a long night. it was like he was young again, except he wasn't. and so there is much headache, and confusion and probably lead too, but in places i don't know about, so maybe it doesn't really matter anyway. and there is fear, great fear over the state of things, especially the things cold bacon has to do today, or at least, this week, maybe, someday. surely by winter. anyway it's all bad. and it's not going away and it's not getting better and fuck if cold bacon is going to answer the god damn door this morning. no, really.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

there are those times

when cold bacon does not receive the proper amount of emails in any given few minutes. it is during those times that cold bacon sometimes takes his sweet leave from the email place, and goes to another place where he lies down on a large white pillow. after a period of about two hours, he arises, and goes to the bathroom, as fate would and does seem to every time now, have it. then, at this point, he is ready. a small angel begins playing clarinet in the key of c minor. and his return is afoot. he enters the room. more clarinets. he walks over to the email place. he plops down. in the big beige chair. and behold, as if someone had magically sent them, emails, dozens upon dozens of emails, waiting. just waiting. each and every one of them delightful. sent and received quite naturally. and not because of threats issued. or warnings. or any manner of tricks used in the establishment of fear and anxiety. and subsequent action. we are all on the white pillow now. we shall all soon forget everything. today is all of our birthday.

oh my god that's not what i meant

you people are terrible. my god. he would never do that. speak of people in terms of this flavor or that flavor. go through phases where one flavor seemed better than another, and form opinions, and generate small semi-interesting anecdotes, which could then be told, to whomever or whatever was on the other end, at some later time when everything had, well, blown over, so-to-say, generationally. and such histories would now be simply called things like honest or refreshing and not lascivious or disturbed or creepy or crawly or two-fingered pete and his toe thing, and stuff like that. no. he would never do that. when cold bacon says he had too much of that brown sugar, he means he had too much of that brown sugar. and that is ALL he means.

cold bacon had way too much of that brown sugar

last nite. yeah i think you know what i mean.

Friday, October 3, 2008

the new arrangement

the other day cold bacon looked down at the usual place for the box that is for receiving mail. instead of the box, what he saw was a large orange pumpkin. the box for the mail was now behind the pumpkin. it is with no particular feeling either way on the matter that i report all of this to you, but as this is what happened, i thought it best to simply give you the facts and let you have your own reaction, whatever it may be. let me recap. there is a large pumpkin next to the brown, wooden door, or i should say in between the two brown wooden doors, each belonging to one set of tenants, or tenant, as is the case for cold bacon because there is only one of him and several of them. all of this is happening on the old red porch. once again, it is behind the pumpkin where one would find a small wooden box, which may or may not have anything in it; i don't really care, as it would more likely be cold bacon's mail and not mine anyway. surely i have mentioned cold bacon's neighbors are in possession of a small daughter who is at least five and probably six, not that i much care as this is the daughter of cold bacon's neighbors and not my own neighbor's daughter, about whose age i care deeply. one more time, just to be clear. large pumpkin. small wooden box. daughter. recent hurricaine. much debris.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

the mail from three days ago

cold bacon did not collect the mail from three days ago. it's still sitting there in the box. but since that time two days have passed and no further things have appeared in the box. cold bacon will wait until there is more in the box.

Friday, July 18, 2008

the mail

cold bacon collected the mail this morning. the mail from yesterday. in the small wooden box, which had been happily placed on the ground by the door just a few months before. the box is really nothing special at all, not even stained or varnished or anything. just a little five-dollar box from an office supply store. it was only meant to be temporary, but as happens so often, there comes a point at which one can no longer deny that the first draft is indeed the last, especially with mailboxes. not far from all of this not-so-important still life, lives a little gecko lizard who makes regular appearances on the steps leading up to the porch, which serve as his off-stage waiting place. this is where he goes over his lines, meets with admirers and does all those things which a gecko does when he is in between acts.

dispassionancy

if people knew what cold bacon, supposedly the bringer of happiness, had gone through, the anguish and tragedy he had to overcome to manage to capture that light which has never left him, if people knew all that, they would also realize that this happiness, this light, this dispassionate wisdom which seems to be his, are sometimes well-deserved, given the severity of his trials.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

cold bacon went outside

then he went right back in, after about ten seconds. it was way too fuckn' hot. give him a break. what kind of bullshit was that. my god how could it be hotter. what the fuck.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

dead dead dead, finally

i regret to inform you all that cold bacon is dead. well, actually regret is probably not the right word. let us just say i am informing you that cold bacon, the person who previously wrote this blog, is dead. this means he will no longer be writing any more entries. but blogs must go on, apparently. someone must continue to post entries and that task has fallen onto me. why? because i am the one who killed him. of course, he had it coming. he should have known better than to punch people in the face. at least not in texas, where concealed handguns are the norm. and since i am normal, i had to shoot him. i won't go into any detail, but actually it wasn't any kind of sudden bang-bang-done type of thing, like you've probably already assumed. unlike most of the people i shoot, who die quickly and obligingly, this was pretty drawn out and awful. it took several shots for him to even start dying. of course it was all his fault. he kept jumping around, trying to avoid his fate, like some ancient Greek idiot. so i kept hitting him in non-vital places. i just kept shooting and shooting. blood spewing out everywhere. left arm, both shoulders, couple in the stomach. anyway, as he lay dying, he said what i did was understandable if cruel, and that he felt the least i could do would be to continue his blog. he said something like "i might be dead, but the blog, the blog must live on." then something about vladimir putin. then pushkin. or maybe he was saying pushcarts. i'm not sure. then silence. anyway, i respect the part i understood, of his mumblings, the part about blogs. or wait, was he saying dogs? the dogs must go on? anyway, just in case he was saying the blog must go on, i'll give it a go, at least until i can find someone else to take over. i will do my best to maintain the spirit of the blog. in that vein, i will be writing about him, as if he were still alive and kicking. perhaps it will be as though he is even more alive than before! but it will be in the third person. the troggs? but they haven't played a concert in forever? whatever.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Thursday, May 22, 2008

i'm back

but am i really?

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

i have a small sun burn

it's ruining my existence. i don't know who to blame.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

i just had the usual breakfast

for breakfast.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

i need a day off

clearly.

i'm awake

o i've been awake for a long time already.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

i'm going to eat so much ice cream tonite

you don't even KNOW.

i'm going outside

who can stop me?

Monday, April 14, 2008

the day you go walking without your camera

is the day you wish you had not.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

i'm back from walking around

not much has changed. i won't say nothing though. not nothing.

okay now the people are starting to come around

to see it my way. let's get my body on the same page. or is that too much to ask? you tell me.



signs like this will not be appearing on my blog.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

more

of the same. i don't know. this is not easy.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

today i tried again to make people do what i wanted

the results were mixed. i would say something around eight out of thirteen.

Monday, April 7, 2008

today i tried to make people do things i wanted

i didn't like it. i did not like that feeling. that was today.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

and right now

again. upside down. nothing has changed.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

right now, at this moment

i am totally upside down.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

my eyes are watering; i'm going insane

chlorox is to blame. not me, chlorox. pure. powerful. chlorox. i must go (the hell out of here).

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

today is small

it has been a small day today.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

mildew is the problem

definitely. no seriously.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

they are delivering it now

right now! well, not "right now" exactly, but around 2-3 pm. in a big box. they are bringing it in in a big box. only they and i know what it is.

this time it was a guy

and this time, it was personal. and i got three packs of weather stripping. consider me stripped.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

i am headed to the hardware store

i will buy one light. and one extension cord. the girl will ring me up and say that it's exactly twenty dollars. including tax. isn't that weird? it will happen.

Monday, March 10, 2008

i am so totally doing it right now

and everybody knows it.

i'm back now

i came back.

Monday, March 3, 2008

god dammit let me go

let me go, let me leave. i've got shit to do. stop. why won't you stop? just stop.


when people stop paying attention to me

1. it's just wrong.
2. it's quite wrong.
3. they die.
4. tell me more tell me more.
5. why is this not a poll?

ok i quite lied earlier

of course i didn't buy a house. i signed a lease though? is that almost as good?

and still no dishwasher

or kitchen island.

Friday, February 29, 2008

let us just suppose for the sake of argument

that i could not open the window in question. well then also for the sake of argument, i would have to declare a certain room off limits. off limits to me at least. that is what would happen, for the sake of argument.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

you'll find me there staring back at you!

me: i tried to open a window.
you: you tried and failed?
me: i tried and failed.
you: must have been painted shut.
me: on the outside too.
you: you should have tried harder.
when: you still had a chance.

oh my god i can't fucking breath in here fuck what the fuck

dammit.

today i am wearing a facemask

what are you wearing?

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

okay, now it's done; the power is completely and totally not an issue

he just left. and will send the bill to someone else. i always knew that someday i really would finally be grounded. completely and totally grounded. and now for something completely next, carpet cleaning. does anyone know a good service? i do.

Monday, February 25, 2008

the power is almost no longer an issue

but let us suppose just for the sake of discussion, that i were going to buy a new car. what would it be?

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

the electrician is coming tomorrow

slight problem with the power.

Monday, January 28, 2008

i am going to move into it

i mean. i probably should.

just bought a house

huh.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

ok thank god

i got one!

ok that's it

if i don't get a hit (or at least an email) in the next 5 minutes. i quit.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

i got a really nice note from carolyn

she lives in rochester. where do you live?

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

today i spoke with several people

none of whom i had ever met before. i hope they liked me.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

i'm thinking

people probably need more regular updates about me. i have a feeling people are beginning to wonder what is happening during the intervals between posts. i have not received any formal request in this regard. but yet i remain confident. people are doing their best to contain, their greatest curiosities and wonderment. i will try to think of a way to meet that need. it is all i can do.

Friday, January 4, 2008

sometimes i wonder if it's possible to have too much attention

it's not. continue giving me it. until further notice.

And

A Happy New Year. Especially to me.

Monday, December 24, 2007

all this porn has gotten me to thinking

am i fuckable? i wonder. merry christmas.

last nite was not for lovemaking; it was for cheap mexican

in a big strip center. in a big country. i had a burrito thing. and a beer. the beer cost more than the food. and that's even with the extra 60 cents for "higher quality" beef. everything cost less than $8. what more do you want?

today saw the last of the candy treat that tim's wife gave me

i finished it.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

no, wait

we did move. never mind about moving back. and this time, it's personal.

i moved back

okay. alright.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

we're moving

and i assure you i have nothing to do with it. if it were up to me i would never move. not from this house. not from this room. not from this chair. but things happen. and people move. and in two days i'm one of those people.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

finally

i have a new chair.

ok what on earth is that?

i just dropped off a letter in one of those blue post-office boxes and when i pushed it in, it pushed pack. visual inspection revealed the entire box was completely entirely and totally filled with mail. there were letters literally trying to climb back out of the box. mine wants to stay in. i hope.

i didn't like that last post very much

i'm going to do another one.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

i have to go drive somewhere now

this is truly getting ridiculous. tomorrow i may work. again...

Saturday, December 8, 2007

maybe i'm just tired

or maybe the rest of the world has just gotten too much sleep today. i'm not sure.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

i have to tell you

i just ate a pita chip. a stacy's pita chip. it was delicious. i'm still thinking about it now. then i might go outside for a walk down the street. the dogs will bark. but let them. let them.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

this week jane took more attention than me

she must die.

actually now i'm not so sure

if i still have to get that license. i'm just not exactly sure. not exactly.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

i have to get a new driver's license

does that make me illegal?

Monday, November 5, 2007

i can't tell if i'm hungry or i'm dying

what if it's both? only one way to find out.

i just vacuumed the floor

i don't normally do that. but i have been having allergy problems and i thought it might help if i removed some of the dust from my environment. i'm not sure exactly how much dust i removed. in fact, i may have actually created more dust than was there before. when i had to take apart the vacuum because i sucked something in i wasn't supposed to. and there was this big cloud of dust. and it turns out the thing i rescued was totally stupid and i would have done myself a favor if i had just let sucked things stay sucked. i'm not good with other people's appliances. and now i have to sneeze. i wonder how many claritins it takes to kill a small animal.

oprah winfrey just called me to apologize

i have no idea what for, but i told her i understood. and that everything would be ok, as long as she didn't call me any more.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

here, here's a post for you

now fuck off.

Monday, October 29, 2007

ok i am just sitting right here

i just had a diet hot chocolate from swiss miss (nestle; pr: nestlay). it was the worst hot chocolate i've had in recent memory. 25 cal/serving. and horrible. the sugar-free swiss miss at 50 cal/serving (no marshmallows), on the other hand, is too good to be true. but i don't care. tell me lies. tell me sweet little lies, nestle.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

you may have noticed i'm not posting as much lately

well i don't see you posting anything either.

today i almost worked some

but fortunately i saw sense.

P.S. I drove somewhere.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

today started out ok then it totally sucked then it got a little better

so i thought i'd let you know. i hope it stays good from now on till tomorrow.

yesterday i drove somewhere

it was ok. but i hope it doesn't become a habit.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

my computer broke again

it's not your fault.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

hey guess what

i just drank so much coffee i started to cry.

oh my god i

j

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

a tragedy

it's been minutes, since i have received any email. and this isn't the first time either. i'm beginning to have thoughts.

the good news is here

there were some ants on my kitchen counter top. but i didn't care. i just went ahead and ate all the cookies anyway. the way i see it, it's their problem. not mine.

Monday, October 8, 2007

yesterday i almost provoked a smile

i told you i was cool. an "almost smile" is always more interesting.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

today i bought two things, two things i didn't want to buy

but that was earlier. i would have posted but i forgot. actually i didn't forget. i just didn't post. all day i felt like i was in another country. which is maybe why i didn't post. but now i am home and i feel i'm at home. i have made a drink of old vodka, old white wine, and orange juice. it's very bad.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

my girlfriend is in the shower

so i was able to steal away and make this post. stay tuned. she may do it again. i won't. until i have no choice.

Monday, October 1, 2007

i got a uniform today

with my name on it. when buying a new uniform, the important thing is to buy the right one. my old one was no good. people who buy uniforms should not be asking questions.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

yesterday i almost provoked a snake

i told you i was cool. it had neurotoxins!

Saturday, September 29, 2007

i wonder if there will be anything good on tv tonight?

i hope not.

today it rained on me

tomorrow i hope it will rain on you.

Friday, September 28, 2007

wow i had an idea today

it happened some time earlier today. i think it was while i was driving home in the car. or maybe it was when i left home. but it could also have been when i was not at home but outside of the car too. i'm not sure exactly really. i can't remember it either. this idea i definitely had. but you can still ask me what it was if you want. it's only fair.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

my drinking is totally interfering with this blog

they're duking it out. seems like.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

just got back from the dentist's

routine checkup. nothing special. i was on my best behavior. i was polite. and only 15 minutes late.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

i just had a hot chocolate

it's totally too late.

Monday, September 24, 2007

this blog is totally interfering with my drinking

i've got to go down there and do it. and yet i'm still sitting up here. not doing it. this sucks.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

it happened again tonite

pint of porter. double gin. i couldn't decide. so i din't. (this post brought to you by barclay's)

i have to remember to remember

that my life is much more interesting to you than it is to me. i'm used to it. so to me, it's really not such a huge deal. but the rest of you must all be entirely fascinated by my ongoings. if it was up to me i would just go about my day and not think anything of it. but the rest of you need me. and i don't want to let you down. i just bought a new mouse!


Saturday, September 22, 2007

i just mailed it

i just did it. i walked it to the nearest blue box and dropped it in. ok, so while i was there this kid was peeling around in the parking lot of the supermarket in his red jeep 4 x 4, scaring everyone and generally giving young boys a bad name.

i went to the post office

but it was closed. god dammit. but it's more complicated than just that. i got there at 2:10. and they closed at 2:00. i should have been extra annoyed because of that. but i wasn't. i was the same annoyed. but there's more. i had forgotten that now with modern progress and everything they now have a computer thing that lets you weigh your mail and calculate how many stamps you have to put. and you can even get to this computer thing when the main post office is closed. isn't that considerate of them? it's it's attached to the wall and probably has no street value. i'm surprised someone hasn't tried to steal it. so i used the machine and went home and put the right amount of stamps on my mail. i still haven't mailed it. tell you if i do.

some people have a chip on the shoulder

i have a chip on my chest. right now. there is a chip, on my chest.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

i shoved a cell phone down my pants

just now. i did this just now!

computer fixed

some times things happen fast.

computer died

i don't know why.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

it's finished now

it was lame.

Monday, September 17, 2007

today was lame

and it's not even finished.@!

why don’t you mash someone your own size

my outlook express just told me it wanted to compress all my emails. what the hell does that mean? i said no.

people are dying all around

i'm not. i'm fine, actually. thanks for wondering. so unless something entirely unexpected happens, i'll be back later tonight and post something.

oh my god i am so tired

there is just no fuckin' way i can post right now. now way.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

i just stuffed a wad of plastic in my mouth

ask me why.

today i will be honest

please be patient.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

I just got hit with a bill for $3,256

it's ok though, cause i'm going to hit back.

got a package today

i sure would like to know what's in it. wouldn't we all. wouldn't we all.

thinking of getting some crest white strips.

but I just can’t decide.

my dad brews weak coffee.

he used to make it too strong, but we all ganged up on him. now he makes it too weak.

Friday, September 14, 2007

new fears about plastic containers

my friend says it's bad if you microwave you leftover wolfgang puck soups in those little so-called disposable plastic containers. i don't care.

it just occurred to me

i may be leaving the house again today. nothing is certain. is anything ever? but a friend of mine whom i presume has exhausted her other option, has informed me we are going to dinner. i have three choices. japanese, korean, and korean. which shall it be?

there are certain people who are trying

to stifle me. i won't name names. but they know who they are. they know. or maybe they don't know. they should call me. i'll tell them. who they are. and what to not do.

today went pretty much as i expected

i could have pretty much predicted everything that ended up happening today. with one glaring exception. there was one thing that happened today that stood out. no, you know what. what i was going to say. actually, i could have predicted that might happen too. so never mind.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

my stomach just told me it wanted pizza

back in a few.

oh my god i totally can't remember if i ate lunch already?

maybe it's because i'm so hungry that i'm light headed. but maybe it's something else. some other reason. i've had seven strawberries today i know that much.

update on the friend who is eating only marshmallows

she says she is still alive. so i guess she is. so far she's been pretty accurate about that. she also has eaten a turnip. she says. more updates as they come in.



my alarm clock is totally going off

this sucks. some would say it's only five feet away, why don't you get up and turn it off? some would say that.

awake again how exciting

i pinch myself.

well it hasn't yet

they said it was going to rain. two friends said it was going to rain. and so did the news. but it hasn't. nobody knows shit. that much is apparent.

I'm not tired

i guess it was a passing thing. sometimes this happens.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

I'm tired

i have no idea why either. no idea. can't think of anything. i had some lentils?

my parents just asked me what the pill i keep on the desk beside the computer is

i told them it was cyanide. and they better not come any closer.

i have a friend

she's from the internet. she just told me she ate strawberry marshmallows for lunch. awesome!

I'm up

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

i forgot to mention about lunch

oh my god. i tried this new ethnic gourmet (real up and comer brand) frozen entree for lunch today. it was bad. it was very bad. if you're ever at a Kroger's and see a frozen entree called "butternut squash ravioli" that has a side of "mini broccoli florets," just keep walking.

ok i didn't die

from the trees falling all around outside my window. however i did have another almost-catastrophe. earlier today i nibbled off a tiny bit of fingernail and flick'd it and it went right into my eye! can you believe it? right in my eye! fortunately i had the sense to not blink and popped over to the sink for a little splashy splash. anyway we're good now.

what are you doing to celebrate 9/11?

i'm having an open-faced tuna melt. ok, that's not true. i'm just having some leftover beluga caviar and champagne. then i will round out my celebration with a walk to the post office to return a netflix video. i always take my mail to the post-office because i don't trust the mail carriers anymore after 9/11.

i swear to god

a giant mass of god's finest (tree) is going to come crashing through my window and/or roof at any moment. i can't leave though, and go somewhere safer, or even perhaps, not right next to the window, because when it does happen, i have to be here to report.

ok don't even ask me what is going on outside my window

this is ridiculous. the people next door to me have a real orange tree. an orange tree? right in the middle of the city. ok, that's pretty cool. but that isn't the problem. it's the pine trees right next to the orange tree. apparently they had to receive a trim, and this had to begin at approximately 8 am on a Tuesday, which is approximately not when i am supposed to be awake and posting a blog entry. this is why i waited until now to post. i had to calm down. they are still going too for crying out loud. i'll let you know.

Monday, September 10, 2007

dinner was ok

which is more than i can say for the TV selection. god. so bad. why do i even watch it? oh by the way, i had a gin and tonic. double. half a lime was involved. it's 11 o'clock but it feels like 11:30.

OH MY GOD THE DOORBELL JUST RANG!!!

i'm going to get it!

I had a delicious wine last night

it really was. oh, wait. that was the night before last night. shit. last night it was back to gin. then i passed out really early. that's right. the gin didn't even have time to settle. damn. i probably should have mentioned all this in a post yesterday. that would help keep it all straight. i should probably say what i'm going to do tonight right now so in case i forget to post it later tonight, i can refer back to this post, right? i think so.

something strange happened after lunch

had some coffee. and then instead of just one hershey's kiss to go with it, i had two! two kisses! i thought it might shake things up a bit. actually everything kinda feels the same. oh well. anyway, tomorrow i might go across the street. i'll let you know.

lunch was great

i'd like to thank all of you for voting today on my breakfast and lunch. i did have that egg for breakfast. then coffee. for lunch i had pasta and the sauce from the other night. i wanted to see what happened with brittney last night at the VMA's but instead i had to watch some general drone on about the war. my god, enough. this war is really starting to annoy me. all i have to say is it better be over before the grammy's.

oh my god i think i just killed someone

oop, no i didn't. false alarm.

ok i'm up

heading downstairs now.

Sunday, September 9, 2007

they still didn’t pick up

maybe my friend got really mad at something and smashed his phone on some rocks.

i called and left a message

on my friend's cell phone. ok, i didn't leave a message. i just called, and then hung up on the voice mail. but i think this totally counts as a returned call.

i may leave the house today

and go to a friend’s house. my friend’s baby is small and cute and squeals. I just call her baby because i have no idea what her name is. so far i’ve gotten away with it. so anyway the thing she does which I like best is she flops down on her back on the carpet with their small dog and they wriggle around in synchronized ecstasy. it makes me happy to think of it.

Saturday, September 8, 2007

everything will be ok

i’m spelling it "ok" and not "okay" like i used to do. that’s because someone told me that’s how it should be spelled. the reason i'm making such a fuss about this is because it represents a new stage in my life where i do whatever anyone else tells me.

holy shit i forgot about the sauce

it’s your fault. i’ve been up here all day posting messages and now the sauce is probably burned. dammit. anyway, you see, this is what happens when you do things. i better wrap up this post and head down there. if you listen carefully, you might even hear a scream, depending on exactly where you live. wait. quiet. listen. hear anything? that's because i haven't gone down there yet. i'm still here, you dummy. how else could i be typing this? ok, now listen.

I just realized I’m addicted to everything

Once I start doing something, anything, I don’t want to stop.



this is actually not the honey that was used in the lamb cooking process. this is honey from a different era.

Friday, September 7, 2007

the lamb turned out fine

but i would now like to mention that my car air conditioning smells really bad. it's mold. i know it's mold. this summer is taking forever. mold.

ok I'm doing it

I'm cooking that lamb roast.

I will cook a lamb roast

i don't know why. jesus.

It's friday again isn't it?

it was Friday last week too.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

I have a wrinkled pepper

In my fridge, there is one of those beautiful peppers, you know the kind that are orange or yellow and cost way more than the green ones? It’s because they have to be individually sneaked in from Europe. Homeland security does not want bright colored peppers in our country. And this makes them cost more. Oh right, so mine got wrinkled. It’s because I always buy them. Cause they’re so shiny and cool. But I have no idea what to do with it, so I just look at it. But now it’s all wrinkled. I have to go to the store now, and get a new one.

click here if you would like to know what really happened to that pepper.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

what they don’t want you to know...

sometimes i suddenly realize how stupid cable news is and just flip it off. then i turn it back on.

I started watching a movie

but then i fell asleep. it was on the couch. i don't know what to tell you. it just happened. then it started raining like fuck. that damn gutter rattling, like a million little kids throwing a million little pebbles. that got me up. piece a pizza. more coffee. it's alright.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

listen, i am totally fine

society is the problem. it would be a perfect day if society wasn't causing me all this trouble.

today has been ok so far

some good emails flying around. some to me, some from me. i only care about the ones to me.

last nite i was so good

i didn't drink anything at all, until nine o'clock.

so far today i have done very little

but that could change at any moment.

Monday, September 3, 2007

i just peed in a cup, seriously

i'm not even going to explain. i'm just not.

perhaps they are related.

my parents asked me what happened to their bottle of gin. i asked myself what i am doing living with my parents.

ok so get this

i live next to an IKEA.

i've been listening to NPR

for at least ten minutes on this internet stream and so far i don't think there has been any effect. i'm going downstairs. and then i might go outside and look around.

i'm tired of revising

from now on i'm going to think for ten seconds before i type anything.

Sunday, September 2, 2007

last nite i did it again

i drank way too much. it's not my fault though. my tolerance is so high, for some reason, that i have to drink about a bottle of something before i forget even my first layer of problems. it was really bad. the wine i mean, was terrible. and i felt sick in my stomach and head. but it's ok though because i just took a pill and fell asleep.

Saturday, September 1, 2007

i actually did do something today

i had a nice conversation with someone using the telephone.

Friday, August 31, 2007

what is it, friday?

today is the day that diana died. well not exactly today, but on this day ten years ago, she died. that's at least according to larry king, foxnews, and MSNBC was showing "to catch a predator." anyway, diana led a very important life and it seems only proper we should all watch a one hour special celebrating it.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

it's been a long time since my last post

all day.




i woke up today

it was alright. read some paper. coffee. little cereal. one raspberry. good to go.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

just had dinner and it was better

after last night's fiasco i realized tonight it might be better to have a smaller dinner. salmon, cheese, bread and no alcohol. i'm not going to lie to you. it was tough. but i managed to do it. and i already feel better. i'll let you know how the rest of the evening goes. check back.

thank you all for reading this blog post.

let me be very clear in stating that the things you have been hearing about me are not exactly true. now that i've had a chance to meet with my lawyer i realize that some of the things which i may have admitted to before were the result of honest misunderstanding. i want you all to know how much i appreciate your interest and concern. i have always done my best to keep you informed and i will continue to value the open and sincere relationship we share. i will provide a written transcript of my statement here. and i'm not gay.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

o my god i just ate a ton

and now i have heartburn. big time. dammit. this always happens. why do i do it? because it tasted so good. that's why. ok it didn't taste that good. dammit. whatever. i'll be dead eventually.


i am so hungry

i had some triscuits and a little parmi. (normally i prefer cheddar for triscuits but we didn't have any.) so i had those and then came back to the computer. now i'm starting to start to see stars. maybe i should eat more. i wonder what bill o'reilly ate today? every day is easter when you're bill o'reilly.

o shit i meant to tell you

i did get that check mailed i said i was going to mail. drive through post box. it wasn't the kind that looks like a droid though. it was the regular kind.

i have done very little today

i had some breakfast (bit of toast). coffee. went on the internet. watched some TV. had a breakfast bar. had another energy bar. coffee. more internet. and now this post. this is a fairly busy day for me.

Monday, August 27, 2007

o my god i totally forgot

what i was going to post here. i had something in my mind. and by god i started checking email. then had to change my mp3 selection. and before long, wouldn't you know it? yes. i forgot what i was going to say here. still, i should probably post.





ok i'm back upstairs

after dinner. and some awful TV, now i'm back. upstairs.

ok i was right

it is raining. this is ridiculous.

i swear to god

it looks like it's going to rain again. i am so sick of this. wait. i'm going to the window.

i’m still sitting here

i'm right now sitting here at the computer. it's pretty much the same thing i was doing five minutes ago for my last post. but this time the song has changed. the song i'm listening to i mean. it's an mp3.

i just made a phonecall

it was lame.